“I’ve turned it into a bit of an art form, even if I do say so myself,” began Bedford man Matthew Lawrence, tucking into his fourth free pint of the evening. “Fosters, Carlsberg, Fat Frogs, I’m not that fussy – it’s all game, kid”.
Mr. Lawrence, a full-time son of two, is one of thousands of self-confessed “pint robbers” that frequent bars, hotels and popular nightclubs up-and-down this unsuspecting country.
“Once you rob one, you can’t stop,” Lawrence told this reporter, now eyeing up a three quarter pint of Coors Light whose owner was engaged in sports activities on the widescreen television of the busy Bedford town centre bar.
“See that now,” he nodded at the stranger’s pint, checking around for witnesses, “he has no idea his friend just bought that for him, so you know what that means: he won’t miss it when it’s gone”.
The crime of pint robbing, which is illegal in Ireland and carries a mandatory 5 year sentence, is described as one of Nation’s “biggest taboos”, due to its culturally delicate and sacrilegious nature.
“For an Englishman, having a pint stolen from them is probably… sorry, the most traumatic experience of their life,” explained clinical pint robbing psychologist and expert on the matter, Prof. David Marks, who once had a pint of lager with lemonade in it robbed from him at a Christmas party in 2009, “by some tw*t”.
If this article affected you in any way, or if you have gone or going through Post Traumatic Robbed Pint Syndrome, please contact the national Post Pint Robbing Helpline on 08000 000 5256.
Kids in pubs!